Be. Live. Give.

Before coming up with the Bikini Soul name, I played around with a few other blog ideas. “Be, Live, Give” was one that I really loved, but still decided not to use, mostly because it sounded too cliche’ and too similar to many other site names and blogs of people who came off as self-proclaimed gurus, and who I felt were putting on an air of superiority and authority. I knew that was never the tone or message I wanted to convey, but the words still stick with me as sort of personal instructions about the path I want to be on when the inevitable sidetracking occurs.

So, because I have no intention of abandoning Bikini Soul, while still developing its elevator pitch, (LOL) – maybe it will help to reiterate the “Be, Live, Give” thoughts again to remember how these two ideas, (along with many others) can converge to get me closer to my vision.

Be.

The only way to be me is to know who I am. Like, who I really am. Beyond mother, sister, wife. Beyond the DNA or personality tests. The best way I’ve found to do this is to ask myself over and over again, if how I’m showing up in the world feels honest. Do I stay silent or constantly police my words to sound more agreeable or acceptable? Or do I add unnecessary aggression to make sure I’m heard (read:validated)? This isn’t the real me. Do I still sometimes think about molding my physical appearance to fit in, even when it’s uncomfortable and when deep down I know it’s total bullshit; that I’m pretty fucking okay just the way I am, without conforming to social constructs. That isn’t the real me. Do I go along with ideas – political, religious, social or otherwise, for fear of rejection? That’s not the real me either. I know this because this is what I did for a very, very long time. The only way I was ever able to pull these masks off was too listen to the little voice inside that was telling me to STOP. The process of reclaiming myself-piece by piece bit-has been years long, and I’m prepared to accept it may be a lifelong journey. And totally worth it.

Live.

A friend shared with me a couple of days ago something her boss told her: “Stop apologizing for who you are.” The thing is, if you’ve been pretending in any area of your life, you’re going to feel like you owe people an explanation and they’re probably going to give you a bit of grief when the real you shows up. Show up anyway! I cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked “Since when do you…” or “That’s crazy, I could never...” or, my favorite, “You’ve changed.” They’re right, I have changed. Changed back to my true self. The great news is that once I began to live out loud and un-apologetically, people realized I could not be swayed by their judgements, and they eventually turned to either silence, or even sometimes encouragement. So, now I’m out there and doing things I’ve dreamed of which has led to opening my vision even more so. I’ve put out big intentions and worked to attract them, all while gently caring for myself and checking my rudder to make sure I’m always pointing toward my truth. And, It’s AMAZING!

Give.

I was born into a family of rampant co-dependency. So, it’s no surprise I grew up to be a people-pleaser. By the time I was in my thirties, I was exhausted from helping, fixing, sacrificing and taking care of, in a lot of unhealthy ways. I was also constantly drained – of time, money, and emotional energy. As part of my recovery journey, I’ve learned that you go from “hurting, to healing, to helping” – in that order. Today, I give thoughtfully to charities and people I meet who are in need, I volunteer at local organizations when I can, I help family and friends when it’s appropriate, and I actively help those who are struggling in their recovery just as I have been, and continue to be helped. Because I’ve done so much work to heal, I’m able to do this without needing or expecting validation or love in return. In all of the ways I am able, I genuinely try to make this world a better place, because I believe that is part of my duty as a human being. I believe two of my greatest contributions are: always being kind to strangers and forgiving those who have hurt me. And one of the most important forms of giving that I strive to practice every day is to give thanks and express gratitude. This step has been a huge and necessary part of transforming my life. To that end, I’m so incredibly grateful for being able to practice these things, and show up honestly as a Bikini Soul- not just in my life, but in my writing – and I’m grateful that you’re here to share it with.